11:57 PM 7/20/2014
I got my new haircut the day before yesterday. I did not intend to make it looked like the styles of those characters I adore so much but what happened amused me. It was like I planned to have this kind of look.
That same day, I also had my new pair of glasses. Well, it was my very first time to have one. I am still not used to wear them but I'm trying my best not to feel ashamed everytime I am using them.
Now, here I am having a hard time adjusting with my new eyewear and my new haircut. The bangs sometimes irritates me still because I have to always check if they are still intact or not. Everthing was not
planned. I just decided to have these new things because I was meeting someone the day after that which was yesterday. He was just a friend but, well I don't know, I just want to meet him with a new me.
Nothing really matter though. When we met, all we did was talked everthing we thought could be shared to each other and nothing else. We watched "She's Dating the Gangster" at 4:30pm. It was around 4pm
when we entered the cinema. It was really dark in there even before the movie started. He suggested to sit in the back. Literally, we sat in the farthest middle seats at the back. Those were good spots to watch
the movie, I thought. He told me he would just take a nap since the movie was yet to start. He didn't know it but I felt uneasy when he leaned his head on my shoulder. I don't like him more than friends but I
felt nervous when he did such a thing. I woke him up when the movie was about to start and when I felt every inch of my left shoulder down to my hand was being paralyzed by the uneasy feeling. The story
was good but the whole movie watching was certainly not. The audience was so noisy. I could hear cheers and shoutings every now and then because of their crazy love to the young actor featured in the
movie. I couldn't blame them because DJ is really adorable. He has the appeal that many people would surely embrace. After watching the movie, we decided to go home. However, I asked him for dinner. I did not
know why but it was justoff for me to go home without eating. Maybe because I was indeed hungry. I again felt uneasy when we were having dinner at Wendy's. He told me that I was too self-conscious. I explained
but he just ignored it and added that I was too redundant and repeating. I thought for awhile because he was serious when he told me that. I couldn't explain my feelings. I did not know if I was hurt or I was just
absorbing every words he said. After awhile, he blurted and asked me why I became silent - that I did not actually noticed. I was too busy constructing and thinking my next sentence. Unconsciously, I told him why
was he he being mean and serious. I told him I was conscious because of his presence. The idea was so absurd! I was careless and I just blurted what my mind was thinking at all. We parted after our dinner. That
made me sad and unsatisfied. I felt that I somehow offended him. I don't know until now but I regret being like that in front of him. I hopped in the train going back home at around seven. All the way home, I was
thinking what had happened. The night was too quiet. I couldn't here the sound of everything around me. I was preoccupied by random thoughts.
Being paid by doing a job that does not require physical strenght or any sacrifices beyond your skills and intelligence is a winning formula when combined with the freedom you hardly find in many companies. I used
think exactly like this. I remembered him telling me what were my plans. I couldn't actually answer him because I do not have any to start with. What do I want? Who am I right now? My answer is I think I should
give myself time to reflect to answer these questions.
What do I want?
Basically, I want to make my family happy. I want to be happy. I love watching anime. I love Japanese. I want to learn and have a career with it. I also want to meet someone to share my dreams.
How to have the things I want?
I have to work hard to earn for my family. As for the second, I'm happy as long as I can do the things that make me happy. I have to study. I have to learn.
Am I on the right path to obtain my goals?
Big No.
What should I do?
Be seriously dedicated and disciplined.
Nothing could be achieved without sacrificing anything. I knew it all along. From now on, I promise, with the guidance of the Lord up there, I will do my best to do everything to reach my goal. Non-sense set
aside, I know what I want and no matter what they say, I will achieve it with my own feet and hands. :)
