“The Person I Hated the Most – MYSELF”
“The Person I Loved the Most – HIM”
I guess it must be the other way around
October 13, 2013 12:00am
I wrote this thing seven months ago . . .
Tonight, I was with HIM but he left me alone. I asked him not to leave me but he still did and there starts my new life.Hi. I am Ai. There are so much thoughts in my mind and I decided to write them down. I don’t know until when, maybe until this impossibly devastating feeling is gone. Yes, obviously, I broke up with my boyfriend. Should I say more? Everything went naturally. He left. I cried. Many people were concerned. They told me I would forget him eventually. Nothing’s unusual but the feeling I had—it bothers me.I can’t remember when exactly did all of these terrifying experiences began. Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, me and my boyfriend were madly in love with each other. So mad that we always tell each other that we just want to stay right beside each other forever [well, that’s how I see it]. He’s always sweet and caring. Many things happened and I’ll find time to tell you all of them—just not now. But to summarize, all of his attention—only for ME [as much as possible]. Then, three months ago, he started to become cold—I mean really cold! He forgot to tell me how much he loves me and he spent less and less time talking with me. That was three months ago. By the way, I’ll give you a hint— three months had passed since we started LDR. [Oh my, I now feel what to blame!] Going back to the story, though I am far from him during weekdays since I have to go to work and he’s busy in his study [I am not a sugar mommy—just want to clear that], I always come during weekends to spend those precious days with him. But when he started to become cold, of course, I wondered WHY [with the emphasis]??? Maybe, he was too busy—that’s how almost all people fool themselves. Well, it’s better to think that way than to plant some fishy thoughts to your mind. And Alas! That stupid thing really happened to me. I began to doubt him. -_- that was too unwise of me.However, that coldness became my motivation to work hard. I want to melt that ice between us. I started to try to be prettier? It was hard for me because I am not a gorgeous looking girl that could swept my man’s feet. All I can do is to make myself presentable. I also tried to surprise him many times. I just want to make him happy. Phew-_- But I was just a frustrating “wanna be”! Well, my plans were failures. All that is left is to trust him and it was not really hard. I knew he loves me [I still believe].I was too stupid not to bother him about what I was feeling by then. Who have thought that our seemingly flawless relationship before would end in a very harsh break up. I learned that he was chatting with some girl I do not know who. There’s nothing wrong with chatting. But with FLIRTING?? Obviously, there is. My very handsome and smart guy asked for that girl’s contact number. Uh oh. Hilarious! He was not that kind of person [as far as I know]. Honestly, I always tell him that if he fell out of love, he must tell me right away. That would be the best thing a gentleman would do, I guess rather than fooling around with some feeling “innocent” girl. Well, I’m sorry. I love my man and I never want him to be with somebody else’s arms. So, being so desperate, I asked the girl to stop. Common, I was his girlfriend and I thought I have the right. The girl was nice. Very very very nice that she told me that I should talk to my boyfriend and at the same time, she’d do my favor. I was happy. I thought I could resolve this one but Hell NO!! Oh my, my very nice girl continued texting my boyfriend. Phew… I never thought people like them really exist in this world. I never gave up but I was stupid not to.I lost the one I love in that instant. There was a time that he asked me to stay. He would talk to that girl and promised to come back. That night was too painful. I waited overnight but he broke his promise. I cried a lot because, honestly, I expected everything’s going to be fine. I should have quit that night but since I was too dumb stupid to realize that nothing’s going to happen, I waited again.Tonight, I was with him. He once said that he loved me more than her. I thought, some miracle would happen. Again, I was fooling myself. He left me alone tonight for the very nice girl. I was devastated. I was broke. Every part of me could feel the pain. My heart ached I could die. I WAS DUMPED. Things I realized after our break up:
I wrote this thing seven months ago . . .
Tonight, I was with HIM but he left me alone. I asked him not to leave me but he still did and there starts my new life.Hi. I am Ai. There are so much thoughts in my mind and I decided to write them down. I don’t know until when, maybe until this impossibly devastating feeling is gone. Yes, obviously, I broke up with my boyfriend. Should I say more? Everything went naturally. He left. I cried. Many people were concerned. They told me I would forget him eventually. Nothing’s unusual but the feeling I had—it bothers me.I can’t remember when exactly did all of these terrifying experiences began. Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, me and my boyfriend were madly in love with each other. So mad that we always tell each other that we just want to stay right beside each other forever [well, that’s how I see it]. He’s always sweet and caring. Many things happened and I’ll find time to tell you all of them—just not now. But to summarize, all of his attention—only for ME [as much as possible]. Then, three months ago, he started to become cold—I mean really cold! He forgot to tell me how much he loves me and he spent less and less time talking with me. That was three months ago. By the way, I’ll give you a hint— three months had passed since we started LDR. [Oh my, I now feel what to blame!] Going back to the story, though I am far from him during weekdays since I have to go to work and he’s busy in his study [I am not a sugar mommy—just want to clear that], I always come during weekends to spend those precious days with him. But when he started to become cold, of course, I wondered WHY [with the emphasis]??? Maybe, he was too busy—that’s how almost all people fool themselves. Well, it’s better to think that way than to plant some fishy thoughts to your mind. And Alas! That stupid thing really happened to me. I began to doubt him. -_- that was too unwise of me.However, that coldness became my motivation to work hard. I want to melt that ice between us. I started to try to be prettier? It was hard for me because I am not a gorgeous looking girl that could swept my man’s feet. All I can do is to make myself presentable. I also tried to surprise him many times. I just want to make him happy. Phew-_- But I was just a frustrating “wanna be”! Well, my plans were failures. All that is left is to trust him and it was not really hard. I knew he loves me [I still believe].I was too stupid not to bother him about what I was feeling by then. Who have thought that our seemingly flawless relationship before would end in a very harsh break up. I learned that he was chatting with some girl I do not know who. There’s nothing wrong with chatting. But with FLIRTING?? Obviously, there is. My very handsome and smart guy asked for that girl’s contact number. Uh oh. Hilarious! He was not that kind of person [as far as I know]. Honestly, I always tell him that if he fell out of love, he must tell me right away. That would be the best thing a gentleman would do, I guess rather than fooling around with some feeling “innocent” girl. Well, I’m sorry. I love my man and I never want him to be with somebody else’s arms. So, being so desperate, I asked the girl to stop. Common, I was his girlfriend and I thought I have the right. The girl was nice. Very very very nice that she told me that I should talk to my boyfriend and at the same time, she’d do my favor. I was happy. I thought I could resolve this one but Hell NO!! Oh my, my very nice girl continued texting my boyfriend. Phew… I never thought people like them really exist in this world. I never gave up but I was stupid not to.I lost the one I love in that instant. There was a time that he asked me to stay. He would talk to that girl and promised to come back. That night was too painful. I waited overnight but he broke his promise. I cried a lot because, honestly, I expected everything’s going to be fine. I should have quit that night but since I was too dumb stupid to realize that nothing’s going to happen, I waited again.Tonight, I was with him. He once said that he loved me more than her. I thought, some miracle would happen. Again, I was fooling myself. He left me alone tonight for the very nice girl. I was devastated. I was broke. Every part of me could feel the pain. My heart ached I could die. I WAS DUMPED. Things I realized after our break up:
1. I’m not weak. I’m just a girl who fell in love with a person. I wouldn’t say with a wrong person since I believe there’s no such thing as falling in love with a wrong person; sometimes, the place and time aren’t just right.
2. I am a human being. I am hurt and my eyes shed tears. My heart aches and my mind blows.
3. He is weak. My admiration for him is gone. I am stronger than him [at least I believe that]. I faced everything on my own while he is contented with going with the flow since whatever happens, it’s a win-win battle for him.
4. If you couldn’t protect the things that are valuable to you, do not expect them to stay. There are people in this world who could hurt you just to get what they want.
5. Smile and thank Lord for whatever is happening in your life. He is with you all the time.
6. Love is not love until you express it. I pitied myself? Of course not. I pitied them. Happiness is when you share the love you have, not hurting others to achieve it.
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| I will just wait for my Kazehaya-kun =) |
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